'Twas the Night Before Bypass''
Twas the night before bypass,
when all through my gut
not a morsel was stirring,
not even a nut.
The suitcase was packed by the back door with care,
in hopes that a new me would soon return there.
I lay nestled, snug in my bed
while visions of calories danced in my head;
and me in my plus size pajamas and wrap,
had just settled in for a long, restless nap.
When deep in my mind there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams to see what was the matter.
Away to my fridge I flew like a flash,
ripped open the door and drooled at the stash.
The moonlight reflecting off the beautiful snacks
gave a luster of radiance to all on the racks.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but an array of the comfort foods I hold so dear.
With a familiar feeling of all those I'd pick,
I thought in a moment I just might be sick.
More lovely than angels their voices they came,
and they whistled and shouted and called me by name;
"Now pizza, now French fries, now chocolate galore
"Now pizza, now French fries, now chocolate galore
on cheesecake, on ice cream, on donuts and more!"
From the tip of my tongue,
to the end of my toe,
I will miss you all more than ever you'll know.
As an addict that shakes and stirs as he sits,
I'll mourn the loss of my delectable hits.
So back to my bed I went with great haste,
and settled back down with nary a taste.
And then in an instant,
in pre-op I sat,
nervously waiting to no longer be fat.
As I sat deep in thought and adjusted my gown,
In came my surgeon in one single bound.
He was dressed all in scrubs,
from his head to his feet
and he seemed very calm as he eyed me like meat.
He looked at my chart,
with his scope gave a listen,
I don't think he noticed my eyes starting to glisten.
He was chubby and plump -- he could lose some himself,
and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke barely a word as he prepped for his work,
he paused for a moment,
then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger aside of his face,
and giving a nod, out of the room he did race.
He checked in the next day,
to his students gave a whistle,
and away they all flew like a down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim as he walked out of sight,
"speedy thinness to you and a healthier life!"
-Author unknown
